Clothing the Naked Sheriff [Celestial Nights 1] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Read online

  Okay, maybe Pisces was also a little delusional, too. In his mind, there was nothing wrong with self-love, self-adoration, self-worship. He looked good, damn good, and he knew it, so why shouldn’t his Princess Sugar-Britches fall to his feet and thank her lucky stars the universe gave her to him? He would do the same, and while he was down on his knees, yes, he might take a lick or two thousand of her delicious body. However, none of that was ever going to happen if she didn’t come back to Celestial.

  It sure as hell wasn’t for lack of trying on his part. He had done his job to the best of his abilities. He called her, texted her, wrote her letters, and sent e-mails. Hell, he even called her boss and asked him to transfer her to Celestial, stating that he was interfering with the universe’s plans. Lot a good that got him in the end. Who knew her boss was a bit touched in the head. Nevertheless, he didn’t have to go and file a restraining order. That was a bit much, even by Pisces’s standards.

  Even Pisces had limits, only he really didn’t know what they were.

  Regardless, he wasn’t going to let Princess Sugar-Britches’s big ole mean boss keep him away from his destiny. Oh no…he had a cosmic epiphany at the masseuse’s. He now knew what he needed to do to make his Princess come home to her Prince.

  Pisces headed to his bedroom, plopped his ass down in his plush faux-fur moon chair, and then started up his computer. He did a quick search and found what he was looking for. He reached for the phone and dialed the number he found on the Internet.

  As the phone rang, Pisces prayed to every deity he could think of to help him. This was his last resort, and only the universe knew the outcome. Left with no other options, he bit the bullet and decided to let the cards fall where they may.

  “Mr. Hummel’s office, how may I help you?” a lifeless monotone woman answered. Pisces shivered at her tone. Gods only knew what that poor woman had to endure working for the guardian of the fifth rim of hell. However, he did chuckle a bit at the fact that Mr. V. Hummel had a secretary. Pisces wondered what something like that paid.

  “Hello?” the woman asked when Pisces didn’t answer.

  “Oh, yeah sorry, can I speak with the ding-dong?”

  “May I ask whose calling?”

  “Sure. You can tell him his favorite boxer is calling.”

  “Please hold.”

  Pisces lay back in his chair, placed his feet on his desk, and rubbed Henry. His poor friend was scared. It wasn’t every day that Pisces opened the gates of hell, and Henry was already seeking cover. “Don’t worry, buddy. Soon all of this will be over, and we will have our Princess before us. The universe is giving us the means to an end, and I don’t know about you, but I sure can’t wait to see our Princess. So cheer up, feller, she’ll be here soon. I promise.”

  Before Pisces could utter another word, the phone clicked and then he heard, “You worthless piece of shit! When I get my hands on you, I am going to rip your body from limb from limb and feed them to my gator. You hear me, Pisces? I’ve got your location now, so stay put!”

  “Sure no problem, V. I can’t wait to ring your bells again.”

  “Fuck you, Pisces. You won’t ever do that again.”

  “Sure, you say that now. See ya in a couple of days, V.” With that, Pisces hung up the phone. Standing he walked over to his dresser and picked up the ornate mirror that Moon Goddess made for him, telling him that when he needed help the most, all he had to do was ask. So, trusting in his good friend, Pisces placed the mirror on the floor, and said, “Mirror, mirror, on the floor, reflect for me forever more. Give me now the one thing I crave and I’ll give it back when I’m in my grave. A pool of water, a touch of ice, a teardrop from the moon is all I have. So, spin the water, melt the ice, and bring me my love soon.”

  Chapter Two

  “I quit!” Angelica shouted, jumping from her chair.

  “Damn it, Ace, you can’t quit. I need you to handle this,” Director Avery said too calmly for her nerves. She should have known the moment she was called into his office that nothing good was going to come of it. Nothing generally did, where she was concerned.

  From the moment she entered the academy, she was too smart, too proficient, and too damn pretty to be a federal agent. None of the other cadets wanted to be paired with a former college beauty queen, and an instructor forced those who were. However, that all ended when she was partnered with Landon Michaels.

  A spur-of-the-moment decision, and her life changed for the better. Last year, she was just about to quit the bureau and move on to better pastures, when the debacle in Celestial, Montana, happened. Just thinking about that town gave her raging migraine. However, the town sheriff churned her stomach and had her running to the bathroom for just thinking about him. Who knew that someone so vain, so egoistical could make her want to vomit? Of course, it didn’t help that her partner thought the sheriff was funny as hell, and got a good laugh at her expense. Nope, since that day, she was unable to forget about the naked sheriff, or his big…

  “Ace, did you hear me?” Director Avery shouted, getting her attention. “Mr. Craven knows you. He’s comfortable with you. I’m sorry to dump this in your lap, but if the bureau is ever going to get the chance to capture Hummel, this is it. I’ve already called Agent Michaels, and he will meet you en route. As soon as Hummel is in custody, then you will never have to see the man again.”

  “Explain to me how Craven knows Hummel? Because I just don’t see it Director. If you’d met the sheriff, you would know that Pisces isn’t someone who would interest Hummel. The man walks around naked in town for Christ’s sake.”

  “So I’ve heard,” Director Avery said dryly. “I don’t care if the man runs through the town stark naked wearing a cape. He needs our protection until we can acquire Hummel. As for how Craven knows a wanted arms dealer, that is what you are going to find out.”

  “Can’t someone else handle this?”

  “No,” Director Avery said, leaning back in his chair. “I know the man is has caused you and this department grief in the past, but now everything is different. This bureau has been trying to apprehend Hummel for years, and this is our chance. I would send someone else, but for some reason, this man Craven likes you. I need you to get the information we need to take Hummel and his cartel down. I’m sorry, Angelica, but I need you on this case.”

  Angelica cursed Pisces as every name in the book, and even invented a few new ones that no one knew about. Just the thought of being in his presence again sent shivers of revulsion coursing through her veins. The man was a menace to society and needed to be shot on sight. There was nothing she could do about this assignment. Her boss was right. She did know him, and no amount of bleach would remove him from her memory.

  Grabbing her bag, she marched out of her boss’s office, out of the federal building, and into the fresh air. Taking a deep breath, she tried to let all the hatred and angst wash away, but when a car drove by with the song “I Shot the Sheriff” by Bob Marley blaring loudly over its speaker system, Ace grinned. Oh, she may not be able to get herself out of this assignment, and the naked fucker may have won this round, but she knew if he stepped one toe out of line, she would shoot him in the ass.

  She wasn’t known as the ace of her department for nothing. In her eyes, every action had a consequence and every asshole deserved what was coming. So Pisces needed a little protection from a known arms dealer. She could do that, because that was her job. However, nowhere in her job description did it say that she had to listen to him wine and dine her. Nope! One word about her shimmering hair, her cherry lips, or the fact that he couldn’t wait to strip her naked and mount her like a horse in heat, she was going to plant his ass in the ground.

  She wasn’t going to kill him, though she had to admit the thought did cross her mind, but then she thought of all the paperwork and quickly forgot about it. The one good thing about this whole mess was that Landon would be with her through it all. There was something about the seasoned federal agent that smoothed every
wrinkle out. Landon was good at his job, and he really seemed to like the residents in Treasure Cove and Celestial. If Ace didn’t know any better she would have sworn the man wanted to retire there. Why, she had no idea.

  Both towns were nestled within two mountains and basically cut off from civilization. If anyone wanted to get away from it all and live a life like in the old west, then those two towns were perfect. The residents in Treasure Cove were seminormal, if she discounted the multiple-husband thing. She didn’t begrudge any sister a two-for-one special, but damn, it seemed everyone in Treasure Cove drank from the same well!

  Whistling loudly, she hailed a cab. When one stopped in front of her, she jumped in and quickly gave the driver her address. Soon, the cab was speeding through downtown Denver. Looking out over the cityscape, she smiled. This was where her life was. There wasn’t anything about Denver, Colorado, that she didn’t like. From her job to the nightlife, from the sporting arenas to wildlife, art, and theater, Denver had it all. There wasn’t anything that Denver lacked in her eyes, and she thanked the good lord every day that her life had found its way here. In her eyes there was nowhere else she wanted to be.

  Within a few minutes, the cab came to a stop in front of her apartment building. Giving the driver his fare, she exited the cab and made her way into the shiny glass building. She lucked out when an apartment had become available in the illustrious Sterling Tower, and the second she saw the place, she knew she had found her home. Sleek, modern, and totally sterile, the apartment was everything she ever wanted. Just walking into the two-bedroom apartment, her nerves eased, and she could finally relax.

  Dropping her bag on the table by the door, she quickly locked the door, knowing she could never be too careful, and deposited her keys in the glass bowl sitting in the middle of the stainless steel table. She then removed her shoes and socks, placing them neatly under the table. She took off her suit jacket and hung it on the hook behind the door. Walking barefoot over to the stainless bar separating her living room and kitchen, she hit her iPod and soon the apartment was filled with soft music. Ace headed toward her bedroom and removed her badge and weapon, placing them in the lockbox she kept on her nightstand. She shut the lid, heard the box click, and walked straight into the bathroom, ready to wash today’s excursions away, because come tomorrow her nightmare was going to begin.

  * * * *

  “Hang on, Sloopy. Sloopy, hang on,” Landon shouted as he sang to the song on the radio while driving toward Celestial. He could see the outskirts of the city looming before him, and he couldn’t wait to get started on his last assignment. Though only few knew about, he was retiring from the bureau before he was too old to enjoy his life. He wasn’t getting any younger, and with his best friend Braxton settled and married, Landon wanted the same thing. Well, minus the hell kitten that Braxton was married to. Oh, he loved Charlotte, but that woman was a handful, so when Director Avery called and told him about Pisces, he jumped at the chance, thinking a babysitting job was just what he needed as his last assignment.

  At the age of thirty-seven, Landon Michaels had devoted most of his life to the bureau, and with what time he had left on this earth he wanted to have fun. He liked Treasure Cove, and he enjoyed the residents. He had known for some time now that he was going to retire in these parts. The only thing he didn’t know was when. When Director Avery paired him with a young recruit right out of the academy, Landon knew there was no way in hell he was going to be able to keep up. It wasn’t because he couldn’t physically. It was because every time he was around Ace, his dick got so hard he walked around in a state of perpetual agony.

  Angelica Clementine Emerson was hands down the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Add in the fact that she had a body built for sin and sex, she could outshoot, outfight, and outeat anyone in their department, and well, if ever there was the perfect woman for him, it was her. The only problem was she didn’t date coworkers, and she sure as hell didn’t date partners.

  He was screwed.

  It was on their last assignment when the idea of retiring filtered into his head, and since then he had only been thinking of when to make it official. Of course, it was also that last assignment that fate handed him the perfect hand. Thinking back to that amazing day, Landon smiled.

  * * * *

  It had been another perfect day in Celestial, and though Landon had been party to many of Celestials antics, the town really outdid themselves this time. He and Braxton were closing in on his case. Landon had a federal warrant for the arrest of Sophie Kincaid for the murder of Aria van Ottoman. When a little bird told them that she was held up in Celestial, Braxton offered to drive. Of course, that was all before weird shit started happening. What should have been a simple arrest turned out to be the biggest clusterfuck in history.

  It had all started when Sophie’s boys took their mother and hid her in Celestial. Theoretically, she should have been easy to find since the town of Celestial consisted of less than a few hundred people. However that was not the case. What most people didn’t know about was that the town of Celestial was comprised of a bunch of whack jobs!

  The town was loonier than Loony Tunes, and they refused to go quietly into the night. Nope, the residents of Celestial preferred a more personal approach. They welcomed anyone and had balls of steel when it came to protecting their own, well, if those balls of steel were painted with daisies and had sparklers. Landon had to give the town credit. They thought outside the box, and technically everything the residents did bordered the legal definition of what was wrong and right. Yet for some reason, he couldn’t fault any of them, because he, too, didn’t like the idea of arresting Sophie. Therefore, he was going to let his partner Ace handle that part. Oh, he knew he was chickening out, but he refused to look Ms. Sophie in the eye and say the words. Nope, he wasn’t going down that road, ever.

  As Braxton drove in silence, stewing as he sped down the county road that would take them to Celestial, Landon texted his partner and gave her the coordinates. Landon knew that the Kincaid brothers were going to make everyone’s life a living hell today. He expected that, because no son wanted to see their mother get arrested. However, that wasn’t going to happen if he didn’t make it to Celestial. Grabbing the door handle, Landon braced himself as Braxton took a curve way to fast.

  “Braxton, you might want to slow down,” Landon said, sitting beside him.

  “They have my son.”

  “You know that no one will harm a hair on his head.”

  “They are using him, for what I have no idea.”

  “How bad can it be? They are three grown men. What kind of trouble can they cause?”

  If ever there was a loaded question, Landon knew that was it. It was like sending a bunch of teens into a haunted house with a blonde bimbo leading the way. Everyone knew the blonde was going to be the first to get it.

  “You don’t know them like I do. So just be prepared for anything,” Braxton stated.

  “Are they dangerous?”

  “Not really. They prefer fun to harm, and when I mean fun, think like a child. That is the only way you will manage to escape whatever it is they have planned. They are basically harmless, but man can they create chaos better than anyone I’ve ever seen. And to make matters worse, it’s controlled chaos.”

  “You can’t control chaos, Braxton. No one can.”

  Smiling, Braxton just said, “Just wait and see.”

  Deciding to get his friend’s mind off his missing son, Landon said, “I ran the name Hickenbottom like you asked. The man is not nice. He was arrested ten years ago for beating up his son. Then two years later, he was arrested again for causing a disturbance at a gay rights festival. His latest arrest was five years ago, when he ran over two men, killing one of them and severely injuring the other. He is currently in prison doing ten to fifteen for second-degree manslaughter. The man he killed was his son and the other guy he put in a wheelchair was his son’s partner.”

  “Fuck,” Braxton gr
owled. “That means Zac was right.”

  “That’s scary.” Landon chuckled. “What was Zac right about?”

  “Zac told me that Sophie was just protecting one of her sons. That she didn’t intentionally attack Hickenbottom. And with what you found out, a lot of the pieces to this puzzle just don’t fit. If Hickenbottom attacked one of Sophie’s sons, then she was justified in her actions. No judge would condemn a mother for protecting her child. However, if Hickenbottom did hurt one of the boys, why did he do it? Why would he attack one of them?”

  “From my report, Hickenbottom seemed to have issues with the gay community. Is one of Sophie’s sons gay?”

  “No.” Braxton laughed. “Those boys cut a path through this valley shacking up with every woman they could get their hands on. No, none of the boys are gay, Landon.”

  “What about bi? You’re bi. You are married to a man and a woman.”

  Waiting for Braxton to respond, Landon said nothing nor commented. It wasn’t that he cared whether Conner was bi or not, because he didn’t. It would be like calling the kettle black. Landon had known for a long time that he liked both sexes. He was going to tell Braxton, but then the whole mess with Charlotte and Jordan happened, and he thought his friend already had enough on his plate, so he kept that little secret to himself. Besides, he still didn’t know how to tell his best friend that after all these years, he was in love with him. Braxton had a good thing going, and there was no way Landon was going to ruin it. Charlotte and Jordan were good for Braxton. They kept him grounded. Messing that up now with his with admission of adoration was not going to help either of them.

  “No. I don’t think so. Well, I definitely know that Jack and Brannon are not. However, now that I think about it, it was right about the time of Sophie’s first trial that Conner disappeared. He very rarely leaves the ranch anymore. If this Hickenbottom person beat up Conner, I could understand why Sophie went postal on him. From what I know, Conner was sick when he was born, and Sophie almost lost him. She has always babied him, and so have the others. However, I still don’t see him being bisexual. He may be quiet and reserved, but he’s just like his brothers.”